Feb
27
Trump’s Impeachment Defense Team Presents Second Day of Opening Arguments


-Let’s get to the news. President Trump’s impeachment
defense team today presented their second day
of opening arguments. And it looks like
Kenneth Starr’s strategy is dress like Inspector Gadget
and hope for the best. [ Laughter ] Look at that coat. It’s like his suit was
at the dry cleaner’s, so he just picked up
Detective from Party City. [ Laughter ] President Trump
yesterday tweeted about House Intelligence chairman
Adam Schiff for pursuing impeachment,
saying that Schiff “has not paid the price yet for what he has done
to our country.” And if you think
that sounds threatening, just look where
he tweeted it from. [ Laughter ] Former National Security Adviser
John Bolton has announced that his forthcoming
tell-all book will be called “The Room Where It Happened:
A White House Memoir” and not as his fans had hoped “The Adventures of
Huckleberry Finn 2.” [ Laughter ] New audio has been released
in which President Trump told Republican donors that
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is a great golfer. When asked what he usually
shoots, he said, “Dissidents.” [ Laughter ] Former First Lady Michelle Obama
won a Grammy last night for Best Spoken Word —
[ Cheers and applause ] For Best Spoken Word Album for
the audio book of her memoir, which is great, but it still
feels like our mom is out there killing it at work and she left us with our weird
uncle who smells like onions. When are you picking us up,
Mom?! [ Laughter ] Republican Senator Mike Braun
this weekend said that he hopes impeachment will serve
as a learning experience for President Trump, saying, “I think he’ll
put 2 and 2 together.” Because if there’s one thing we
know about a man who has bankrupted
three casinos, it’s that he’s good at math. [ Laughter ] Today was Supreme Court
Chief Justice John Roberts’ 65th birthday. To celebrate, his co-workers
all dressed up just like him. [ Laughter ] In honor of Valentine’s Day,
Krispy Kreme has started selling heart-shaped
conversation donuts. Unfortunately, the only
conversations they start are with your doctor. [ Laughter ] Finally, a winery in California
last week accidentally spilled more than 90,000 gallons
of red wine into a creek. Now it’s not just Dory
who can’t remember anything.