Tosh.0 – Web Redemption – Football-to-the-Face Girl

– Auburn looking for its firsthome conference win
since 2014.
[whistle shrills] – I got it! I got it!
I got it! – Whoa! – Could be worse. She could have been at Baylor. That’s Ashley,
and if we go to the replay, we will see
that she did not have it. This is what happens when you’re on the sideline
at the Auburn-LSU game and you think
you can shag kickoffs from a Lou Groza Award finalist. College football gives people who couldn’t get
into a decent school something to be proud of. Game days are a rich tradition of tailgating
with other alcoholics and screaming obscenities
at 19-year-olds. The coaches make millions, the schools make billions, and the players earn meaningless
communications degrees. Some equate it to slavery, which explains why the South
loves it so much. In those parts,
the only thing a father and son enjoy throwing around
more than a football is the N word. 99% of all college players
won’t make it to the NFL, which means there’s
a medical reason why all the employees
at a certain rental car chain are suicidal. But there’s no denying
Ashley’s a gal who can take a hit to the face, so you know the NFL
came a-callin’. That’s why I put her on the first turnip truck
out of Auburn, accompanied her to the draft, and happily took
my 60% commission for this week’s
Web Redemption.– The 2017 NFL Draft,brought to you by concussions.Concussions:
You’re Probably Fine.
– Good luck today, Andre. You should be so proud
your son’s slow. Ashley! Hey! Superagent Daniel Rosenhaus. How are you? Nice suit. Does Ellen know
you borrowed it? – Everybody at the draft
wears this. – Oh. – Not my commissioner! – Boo!– With the first pick
in the 2017 draft,
the Cleveland Browns select,
from Oklahoma University,
Joe Mixon.– I’m gonna key your car! – Boo! You’re no Tagliabue! Ashley.
– Hello. – How are you?
– I’m good. How are you? – You look great.
– Thank you. – Did you bust open your nose? – I did not.
No injuries. – Didn’t even bleed?
– Nope. – You can take a hit.– [laughs] I can.– All right,
where are you from? – I’m from Chicago originally, right outside of Chicago. – What would possess
a girl from Chicago to go to school in Alabama? – It’s a family school,
so it goes way back on my mom’s side
of the family. – What do you do in Auburn? – Go mudding. – You go mudding?
– Yeah. – Is that just in a truck?
– In a truck, yeah. – Put it in four-wheel drive
and just go through the mud? – Yeah, that’s about
all there is to do. – That’s fun, though? – Yeah. It can be. – Tell me about what happened
that day. – Well, I made a bet
with the managers on the football team that I would be able
to catch the ball. – Oh, this wasn’t just, like,
a random–oh.– The kicker for Auburnkicks it to the same spot
every single time.
– Got you.– So I sat there
and waited for it.
I got it! I got it!
– Whoa! – When it hit your face,
what did you feel? – Nothing.
It was a blur. I fell back, and I was like,
“Oh, my gosh.” – I mean,
do you hate the fact that if you Google
“girls balls to face” that you’re one
of the first results? – I don’t think I’ve ever
Googled it, so… [cell phone rings]
– Mm! Hello! [whispering] Jets. [laughs] Absolutely not! My client’s not going to a team that drafted Mark Sanchez
fifth overall. Ugh! Other than going to Auburn, what other bad decisions
have you made? – Coming on this show. – Ah! Are you proud of the fact
that you were the only highlight
from Auburn football in 2016? – [laughs] – You ever dated
a football player? – I actually am dating
a football player. He played at Auburn. – What about the concussions? Do you worry about that at all? – I’ve thought about it, but football is a hard sport. I mean…
– I enjoy watching it so much. Never had a desire
to play a single down. – Probably for the best.
– Right? – Yeah.
– I’m pretty frail. – Yeah.
– Oh, but agile. – [laughs] – You know, my mom,
to this day– I don’t know how old she is. God, she’s old. But she still thinks
she could be a running back in the NFL. She’s like, “Oh, no,
I just have an ability “to juke and get out
of the way. I don’t think people
could catch me.” And I always find that
fascinating, that this old woman still thinks
she could be in the NFL. [cell phone rings]
Ooh. Hello! [laughing] Rex Ryan. You’re not even
in football anymore. Enjoy trying to sell
your town house in Buffalo. Do you think there’ll ever be
a female in the NFL? – With the way that we’re going
in society, probably. – Oh, think it’s society that’s
keeping women out of football? You don’t think
it’s their skill set? – Okay, I feel like there
would be a good kicker. – I mean, they’ve tried,
and they always choke. That girl up in Detroit?
Oh!Finally they got her
the audition.
She couldn’t kick from 30.Ah, embarrassing. [cell phone rings]
Ooh. Been waiting for this one. [bleep] you, Belichick. Why don’t you go write
another love letter to Trump? Did they do standard
concussion protocol on you? – Yeah, they had one
of the team’s doctors come over and check me out. – From Auburn?
– Yeah. – Okay, so did they either
rub tobacco on you or just pray over you? – I would say both.
– I just assume that’s what’s going on
down in Alabama. – Bible Belt. – Is prayer mandatory
in your school? – It is not, but I would say
95% of people probably do. – Uh-huh. There’s nothing
wrong with praying. I mean, it doesn’t work,
but, man, nothing like making sure your food
gets a little colder. I’m not a fan of the families
that do the hand-holding prayer. – My family does
hand-holding prayer. – It’s uncomfortable.
– Brings you closer, though. – I hear you,
but then I have to talk about how soft
my hands are. – Yeah, see,
my hands get sweaty. – You got the sweaty palms? I had a buddy in college
that had sweaty palms. – Yeah, it’s embarrassing. – Really? You can take medication
for it. – I’ve done everything.
I did electroshock water. – Do guys comment
when they hold your hands for the first time? – No, what–
I mean, who would say something to you
about that? – I would, because it’d be
a deal breaker if we didn’t discuss it. – What?
– It’s gross. – I can’t help it.
– I know. People can’t help
a lot of things that you’re not
attracted to. We’d have to talk about it. – Okay, that’s fair.
– We’d have to be comfortable. – That’s fair.
– Can I feel your hands? Oh, yeah. That is moist. I’ve had a long feud
with Nick Saban. Now, as an Auburn alum, do you have a message for him? – War Eagle. – “War Eagle.”
Is that fun to yell? – It is. – Were you at Auburn when those inbred [bleep]s
over at Alabama poisoned your tree? – I was.
– How did that make you feel? – I mean, ‘Bama sucks. Bammers are Bammers. – Was that worse
than a school shooting, do you think,
the tree b–no? – Ew! [laughs] – I think you answered it. [cell phone rings]
Oh! Stop calling me, Rams. Nobody wants to play
for your team, let alone go to your games. That goes double
for that JV Chargers team. – NFL Draft insider
Mel Kiper Jr. Jr. joining us this morning. – Ashley’s got
a highly resilient face. She’s definitely got
what it takesto be very popular
in the locker rooms.
[dramatic music]♪ ♪She just set a record
for the most-watched
slow-motion 40-yard dash ever.She’s also the first athlete
to ever ace the Wonderlic.
Dropped passes never stopped
Ted Ginn Jr. from getting paid.
That’s the worst
upper body strength
since Chad Pennington.– One.– There is a video of hergetting into a fight
with a female reporter.
That shouldn’t affect
her draft stock.
The NFL has a history
of looking the other way.
And she is a girl too.I’ll be honest with you.She’s never made it
to my little big board.
I find her undraftable
but bangable.
My apologies. I’ve been up
for four straight days. My wife left me,
and I’m not in a good place. – You lack all the intangibles
and tangibles, but lucky for you, the draft
loves a viral sensation. Just look at Michael Sam.– With the last pick
in the 2017 NFL Draft,
Miami Dolphins select,
from Auburn University,
Ashley.– Wasted pick! This is Jake Long
all over again! Argh![dramatic piano music]♪ ♪[applause] [cheers and applause] Good news, Dolphin fans. The Browns traded their next four
first-round picks for her.