– So, this apartment
will be our base for the duration
of the mission. Thank you to The Vulture
for procuring it. – Hey, don’t thank me.
Thank my boy, Billy. He said the place was mine
while he’s still in prison. That’s not what
it sounds like. His only crime was planning
a kickass music festival. – Are you friends with
the Fyre Festival guy? – Best friends.
He got a bum rap. You can learn about it when
my documentary comes out. It points all the blame
where it clearly belongs– with the island people. – Wow, so many levels
of terrible there. All right,
we need to catch Kelly in the act of illegally spying,
so here’s the plan. We commit a fake crime
so serious that he’s forced
to deploy the stingray. – What kind of crime?
– We’re gonna kidnap a cop. But not just any cop–
it needs to be someone so high-ranking that
it sends shockwaves through the system,
but not important enough that their absence negatively
impacts the NYPD in any way. – Who you guys thinking? – We’re clearly
all looking at you. – Oh, God.
Am I in charge of the meeting? Dismissed.
Dismissed. – No.
You’re getting kidnapped, C.J. Amy, Charles, and I
will be the kidnappers. Captain Holt is the driver.
Here’s how it’ll go down. – Approaching the target.
– All right, let’s do this. Masks on. Actually, scratch that.
We’re not gonna use ski masks. We’ll use cool rubber masks. – Ooh, we should be the ladies
of “The First Wives Club.” I call Keaton. – We’re not gonna do
“First Wives Club” masks. – Just because
you can’t be Keaton? Grow up, Jake!
– No, because they don’t exist. And also, yeah, Keaton is clearly
the coolest one and I don’t think it’s really fair
that you just “called her.” Forget it.
We’ll wear scary gorilla masks. – Approaching the target.
– Okay, let’s do this. Masks on. When C.J. goes to get
his morning coffee, we will arrive and grab him.
[tires screech] He will pretend to struggle just enough
to attract attention. – Help!
Help! [tires screech] – I’m gonna write this down
so I remember my lines. – I can see that you already
have the word “milk” written on your hand.
I know where this is going. – Milk!
Milk! – Don’t do that.
– Too risky. What if you leave DNA evidence
at the scene? – Well, luckily,
it’s a missing person’s case, so the lead detective
will be The Vulture. He will arrive and– – No, no, no, no, no.
Hold on, Peralta. You forgot to say that
I ride in on my motorcycle. – Okay, The Vulture who
rode in on his motorcycle… – Kobe. – Will take charge and
eliminate any evidence we left behind. – There’s nothing here.
– Make sure the other people working with you
are your worst detectives. – I got just the guys for you.
I mean, they’re real duds. – I wouldn’t even trust
those two to get coffee for me. – Gerard, tell him
where we’re at. – Brooklyn. – You know, you guys take off,
all right? I got this. – All right.
– Hey, you. Come here. You wanna tell me what you saw? – I’ll tell you what
I’d like to see. Your big–
– Stop. I’m the one
describing the plan. – What, so there’s not
gonna be any sex at all? – No.
The point is, without any good leads,
Kelly will give the order to use the stingray–
an order that we will record thanks to our very own
Madeline Wuntch. – Not possible.
Kelly won’t tell me anything. He won’t even meet with me.
– Perhaps you can sneak in disguised as
an old leather chair. – Will you calm down?
She works at One Police Plaza. All you have to do is
“run into him.” – Commissioner Kelly. – Oh, Madeline.
I didn’t see you there. I thought you were
an old leather chair. – He’s not gonna say that.
– He might. – You’re worse than
The Vulture. Anyways, give him a handshake,
a pat on the back… – I heard your app
caught a serial killer. – [chuckles]
– HotClues strikes again. – Yes, indeedy.
– And plant the bug. And that’s the plan. That is exactly
how tomorrow’s gonna go. – Got it. So you do or you don’t
want me to yell “milk”?