Nov
15
SUPER BOWEL 50 – Axis Football 2015 Gameplay


James: WOOOOOOOOOEEE! James: Get out your pigpens and hide up your trunk stoppers cause we’re playing mud slapping football! Bruce: Dun-dun-dun-dun-du-du-dun dun dun Adam: I can’t sing any of that James: I wore my Super Bowl hat Bruce: That’s a Mega64 hat James: Fuck James: We will play for the fate of your people James: Support us on Kickstarter! Adam: So it’s not done yet? James: No, cause, see, EA, yeah, the demon EA, right, has control over football. Bruce: That’s true they do James: They own football, so for the next 100 years we’ll never see any other football games
Bruce: They own NFL James: No more Blitz, no more James: I don’t think any other companies ever made football games Adam: So who’s playing, uh, this Super Bowl Sunday, it’s, it’s the Hulks? James: I wanna be the Orcas, the Miami Orcas Bruce: The New York Hulks vs. the Detroit Griffins James: Wow, this is awesome, the Pittsburgh Steelmen Bruce: They’ve mixed up all of the teams Bruce: Look at the New England Volunteers James: We don’t even want to be here! Adam: Who’s, who’s actually playing, it’s the Broncos vs. who? James: Uh, it’s Panthers. Bruce: Panthers vs. the- James: So that would be the Carolina Jaguars (Laughter) Adam: Where is that? Bruce: Cara, Carolina Prowlers, there it is James: Oh, there they are, RAWWWWWW Bruce: To the, to the right side Bruce: Carolina Prowlers Adam: That’s them James: Hall of Fame James: Wait, are you going to play as one? Bruce: Oh no, that’s your difficulty level, that’s bad James: Are you playing as one? Announcer: -a great matchup for the Axis Football League Bruce: Is that John Madden? Adam: Yeah James: They got him! Adam: He’s like in the drive-through Announcer: -a great matchup for the Axis Football Adam: That was a touchback Bruce: Wait, was that me that did that? James: No, that was him James: You kicked off to him, and- Adam: No, I kicked off James: The timing was with his though Bruce: Am I doing anything? Adam: Oh, oh, that was Bruce Bruce: This is just like football Bruce: I oughta bolt. Hot route! James: Hot route! Bruce: Hot route hey! Adam: I miss my kids! James: Go! Bruce: Uh oh! James: Where to toss! Bruce: Throw the ball! James: Throw it! Oh, he doesn’t need it! (Laughter) James: Oh no, he’s dead James: OHHHHH Bruce: -Impact! James: Oh, he’s dead, lost some yardage there Bruce: He didn’t, didn’t make it past the line of, uh, scramage Bruce: Press the buttons! James: OHHHHH! Adam: Interception Bruce: Oh… (Laughter) James: Threw it right at him Bruce: Uh oh, what did I do? Bruce: How did he do that? Bruce: Wait I didn’t, I didn’t do this James: Wait why are you going, are you kicking a field goal? Bruce: Come on Jason! James: That’s not you. Is it? Bruce: That was me I think James: Why did? Adam: That was me Bruce: Is he on offense? Bruce: Wait, you should’ve run! Adam: What?! James: No, hey, first down, first down field goal every time, that’s the Axis Football diference James: Triger! Adam: I’m in the circle Bruce: AHHHHHHH! James: Oh, he got it! James: That was almost a first down! Bruce: That was Genghis Khan that caught it Bruce: HUT! Bruce: Come on, keep to the route! Adam: Interception! Bruce: Fucking shit! Bruce: Do the, uh, do the safe zone Bruce & James: Safe zone? Bruce: He’s gonna kick a field goal, it doesn’t matter Bruce: Man, Jason’s got a leg on him, he’s gonna kick it 70 yards?! James: WOAH! (Laughter) Bruce: Oh, a little short James: Oh, no good Bruce: No good, no good Bruce: Oh, you’re gonna try it now, huh? James: Two can play this game Bruce: Wait, why’d you kick it to the left?! James: BOOM! Bruce: What was that? What are you doing? James: That’s for you, kid! (Laughter) James: He’s got cancer in the front row Bruce: He’s trying to bring you offsides James: I tried, I tried to run All: OHHHH Bruce: You threw it right to- (Laughter) Bruce: You threw it right to him! Adam: He turned and went, “A ball!” Bruce: I know! James: Annexation of Puerto Rico! Adam: Flying V! Flying V! James: Just do it! Game: Tuesday! Bruce: Tuesday? TUESDAY! James: I left my name behind Bruce: PANCAKE! James: Push in on him! Bruce: Sack him! Sork him! Bruce: Oh, bounced right off his chest (Laughter) Bruce: Field goal? You’re 70 yards away! James: Look at this shot! That’s for you, kid! Bruce: He’s gonna kick it- oh pity on that shot! (Laughter) Bruce: What’s the hike again? Bruce: Watch this, wide open! James: Why do you keep talk- oh, da ball! It could’ve dinged off the head! Bruce: Come on, baby! James: So short! He got it! Bruce: OH, and he picked it up and a first down for Pepperoni! Bruce: WOO, 42! Bruce: HUT HUT! HUT! James: It’s ok. Oh, pass it up Bruce: Come on, get to the receiver. HA! James: That’s in! That’s a goal! Adam: Interception James: NOOO! Bruce: Come on! Bruce: SCREEN FAKE! SCREEN FAKE! James: You shouldn’t shout fake Bruce: Oh, I’m sorry, I mean, screen real! (Laughter) James: This is a totally real field goal attempt! Bruce: Watch this, all the way down! James: OHHHHH BRUCE IT’S IN! Bruce: OH COME ON YOU FUCKING IDIOT! (Laughter) Bruce: TACKLE HIM! TACKLE HIM! James: Oh, Adam no! Adam: Z. MITCHEL! Bruce: GO FASTER! (Laughter) James: Oh, he’s going back! Bruce: He got blocked in the back that’s a penalty! (Laughter) Bruce: That’s a penalty! (Laughter) James: Watch him go all the way! (Laughter) Game: First down! Bruce: All right, this is it, touchdown, touchdown baby James: Don’t, don’t follow that, stop! (Laughter) Bruce: How is he reading the coverage, how is he reading the coverage like that that’s amazing, throw it! James: OH WHAT A PASS, THAT’S IN! James: INTERCEPTION! (Laughter) Bruce: Look at the four people, it’s surrounded by four people James: It worked, four people never even caught it James: Where am I? Bruce: Uh oh, that’s a big throw James: OHHHHH! (Laughter) Bruce: He put his arms out and went aw, never mind nope, don’t worry about it (Laughter) Bruce: Oh, this is a good play, this is a good play Adam: I mean, football’s already dumb, so… Bruce: Oh, the 1 minute warning, we have to try James: OHHHHHH! Adam: Interception! James: DAMN IT! (Laughter) Bruce: It’s impossible to complete a pass James: As soon as you hit right trigger, watch as soon as you hit right trigger, they run, they just go to the ball Bruce: All right, there we go, kick it to the right side where all of them are, thank you James: Interception! Bruce: Throw ’em off the count Bruce: HUT! Bruce: HUT HUT HUT! Bruce: There we go James: Ooo, right side, oh, that’s in the endzone, Bruce: OH, HE CAUGHT IT! Adam: What? Bruce: GENGHIS KHAN WITH THE CATCH! Bruce: All right, here we go, I can do this Adam: Chances are that Genghis Khan is your father James: Oops Bruce: Aw, fuck me James: Second half Adam: Here we go Bruce: Aw, you gotta be shitting me! James: You gotta flip it now Bruce: Fuck! Adam: WOO! James: That was a close call, he was playing the clock James: Oh, what a shot! Bruce: Look at him, he threw out his leg (Laughter) Bruce: Naw, nice catch, nice catch D. Williamson (Laughter) Bruce: Aw, he picked it up! And then ran out of bounds Game: First down! (Laughter) James: He, he just went, and then dropped it Bruce: And then they picked it up and ran out of bounds James: Oh, my god Bruce: Move that, move that circle! (Grunt) Bruce: Move it down, throw an interception! Bruce: OH, WHAT A CATCH BY GENGHIS KHAN! James: He’s the best, only throw to Genghis Khan Bruce: Go, run it! James: Grab him! Bruce: Go down the field, go! James: Grab him, grab him, grab him! Bruce: Go! Look at them standing there like robots (Laughter) James: AHHHH! (Laughter) Bruce: What were they doing?! They were just like this, standing up straight Bruce: HA! HOO, HOO, HOO James: DAMN IT! (Laughter) Bruce: Oh, my god! James: He was standing right there, like this Bruce: Ooo, he’s trying to fool ya, trying to fool ya Adam: Who’s open? (Grunt) James: That’s an interception! Bruce: WHAT?! Adam: I don’t know what happened Bruce: It went through the body! Bruce: Oh, oh, I like what you did, oh… (Laughter) James: God damn it! Bruce: OHHHHH! What the fuck? Why aren’t you- (Laughter) James: Why was he so tall? James: All right, it doesn’t count unless you run all the way back Bruce: Intercept- OHHHHH! Go! Go! Oh… All the way back, yeah Bruce: Ooo, it’s a blitz! What were you doing, put your arms up you fucking idiot! James: He did, twice! James: OH, BRUCE! Bruce: Come on, get to the- James: That’s intercepted All: OHHHHH! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! Bruce: How do I boost? James: All right, turn around! Bruce: How do I boost? James: Turn around and run back Bruce: How do I boost? James: Run the other way! Bruce: OOOOOOO Oh… (Laughter) Adam: I’m gonna, I’m gonna attempt something new James: Ok… James: Oh, that’s an interesting strategy, bold Adam: I believe in the play Bruce: Oh, they’re wide open Bruce: Catch the ball! It bounced right off your helmet! (Laughter) Bruce: WHAT THE FUCK?! James: You can’t say he didn’t try because we saw his hands go (Laughter) Bruce: He was standing there like a robot! Adam: I don’t have to do anything! James: We gotta get some points on the scoreboard, here Bruce: Watch this. UH! James: That’s in it! James: OH, he got hit real hard! Bruce: WHAT?! (Laughter) James: He stopped, and he waved, and just got plowed Bruce: Are you shitting me?! James: Get in there! Adam: You got five yards, what are you complaining about? James: Get in there! Game: Touchdown! All: YES! Bruce: All you gotta do is hold him, 8-6, we can win the Super Bowel, we can win the Super Bowel James: See you at the finish line James: No, he’s throwing it! Bruce: No, he’s throwing it to- what the fuck? James: Ok, that’s ok, that’s what we wanted Adam: And he’s like, did I football? James: Time for one more, one second, Adam Adam: I got it Bruce: What are you gonna do, Adam? Adam: The play of the game, that’s what Bruce: This is it Bruce: This is just like when the Denver Stallions played the Carolina Prowlers- James: GET HIM! (Laughing) All: OH NO! UNBELIEVABLE! Bruce: OH I CAN’T BELIEVE, what were you doing, why were you doing that, you weren’t defending him at all! James: It was a field goal block! Adam: Wow James: Damn it! Bruce: Is that it? Is that the game? Adam: You just won the game, what are you doing? I’m going to Knotts Berry Farm James: I’m gonna get cancer treatment