Oct
17
Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones’ Series Finale


-Well, I don’t need
to tell you that the final “Game of Thrones”
aired on Sunday night, but there is one
last chapter yet to be written. Here it is, the final
“Game of Jones.” -[ Imitates dramatic music ] ♪♪ -Are you ready for this, Leslie?
-I’m ready, baby! -Thank you for
taking this ride with me. I feel, right now, like
the end of “Thelma & Louise.” We’re in the car together. We’re in the convertible.
We’re about to go off the cliff. -I’m not going off the cliff. That’s some
crazy white-woman stuff. -You’re gonna roll out
at the last minute. -Exactly. I’m gonna
watch you go off the cliff. And then I’m gonna be like,
“Damn, he was a great partner.” And then I’m gonna drive off
and find somebody else. -I’ll take it.
-Yeah. Look at this.
Look how sad he look. -Yeah. -♪ This used to be
my playground ♪ ♪ This used to be
my childhood dream ♪ -Who’s this fella? -Okay, this is you
coming back from Vegas. You know what I’m saying? Like, on the way to Vegas,
you’re like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” On the way back from Vegas,
you like, “Oh [bleep] I’m going to have to
borrow $15.” -I think I maybe lost
all the skin on my back. -Where is my car? Look at this dude just
sitting there like, “She burnt everything.” -Yeah.
-“Everything.” -He probably
just bought that place. He’d been renting.
He just bought it. -He look like
he had just hung a painting and was like,
“Oh, God, this is so…” [ Growling ] -In the name of the one true
queen, Daenerys Targaryen, I sentence you to die. -This [bleep]
This what I didn’t understand. How come they just
couldn’t look up and go, “Okay, well,
we serve Daenerys now”? -Oh, I would be saying — The
amount I’d be talking right now, “Oh, I’m so sorry!
Oh, I’m so sorry!” -“Daenerys is my Queen.
Daenerys is my Queen. Daenerys is my Queen.”
-Oh, no! Oh, I’m so sorry.” -It’s snowing from ash, homey.
-Yeah. -That’s body ash, too,
so that’s people’s bodies. -Well, it was already
distressing, and you made it
10 times more now. -So that means that that snow that’s coming down
is, like, dandruff, but body dandruff. I thought there’d be
more smashed up heads, too. Like, you can’t just
find them under the — Ooh, there goes Cersei’s face. She died with
her incest brother. -It is amazing how you are happy
to see them with each other, last episode. -You was happy to see that?
-I was happy to see it. And I completely ignored
they were twins… -I didn’t.
-…who had sex, with kids. Multiple kids.
-[Bleep] ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ That [bleep] was like some
“Snow White,” like, cartoon. You know how the cartoon and
the chick had the black thing, and she walked kind of —
Ooh, that was some old — -That was good. -That-bitch-turned-into-a-crow
type [bleep] Look at her.
And let me tell you something. She got the ultimate… ♪ Baby, I’m sorry ♪ ♪ I’m not sorry ♪ ♪ I burnt all these bitches ♪ ♪ I’m not sorry ♪ [ Speaking Dothraki ] -This looks like one of those
really bad stand-up gigs where they’re like,
“Here’s the deal. The stage is really far away.
It’s outdoor. No microphone.
Half the audience is on horses.” -“Half the audience
is on horses. You gonna have to play
towards the back. Play towards the back.
The Dothraki — they love jokes. They unsullied in the front —
not so much.” -It’s against their —
They’re not allowed to laugh. -The way they laugh,
they laugh by doing this. They go… -It’s a 45-minute set,
and when they laugh, they go… [ Grunts ] -“Oh, also, I’m sorry. Before you go out, they speak
two different languages. Have fun. And the stage
is really far away. You really got to project.” [ Speaking Dothraki ] -[ Speaks Dothraki ] Somebody say that to me, I’d be like,
“Bitch, what did you say?” -Also, I thought that was
a job he already had. I feel like she promoted him —
-Exactly. She just promoted him
from manager to manager. Watch this. Watch this.
Watch this. Watch this. ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ ♪ Don’t work
’round here no more ♪ ♪ You and your dragon
can kiss my ass ♪ ♪ I’m walking out the door ♪ Oh, look —
they stopped clapping. -They were like, “The pin!
He threw the pin!” -“Oh [bleep] Did this bitch
just throw the pin?” ♪♪ And look —
where’s she walking to? ‘Cause she obviously burnt
everything down. So she ain’t got no place — Damn, Arya, where
the [bleep] you come from? Look, they still walking. They need to get her
a golf cart or something, ’cause that’s a long-ass walk. -I think she did that thing
where you walk off, like, powerfully. Like, “Bye, Jon Snow.” And then you forget
how long a walk it is. -The moment the gates fell,
the battle was over. -She saw her friend beheaded. -Why is he defending her?
Is — Why is he defending her? Tell me. From a man’s side. -Well, you know,
his last girlfriend died. I think he’s worried. Once you have
two girlfriends die, it’s so hard to get
a third girlfriend. People say, “What happened to
your last girlfriend?” “Died.” “What about
the one before that?” “Died. Anyway…” -Anyway,
you want some more nachos? ♪♪ That’s his auntie!
-They’re happy. -Aah! I swear to God, if Uncle Emer
ever tried to kiss me like that, I’m calling the police! ♪♪ -Oh! Did you see that?
[ Laughs ] Ah! He stabbeded it in her. ♪ He stabbeded her, her ♪ Yeah, bitch,
that’s a knife in ya. That’s a knife in ya.
-Oh. -I’m telling
you, that’s unexpected. Like, I did not expect Jon
to have the guts to do this. -Why are you, like,
so upset about someone kissing their aunt, but totally fine
with someone killing their aunt? -Because that bitch needs to go.
Look at the dragon. Dragon like,
“Bitch, wait a minute. Is that my mama?
Get away from my mama! Get away from my mama!” -If somebody stabbed me
in my house, my dog wouldn’t get out
of her bed. -Man, my dog would be like, “I’m so glad
you stabbed that bitch. That bitch always —
She never feeds me on time. I’m always hungry.” Look — he about to burn the
[bleep] out of Jon ass. Man, I would be
[bleep] all bricks. There would be three [bleep]
bricks right in front of me. Aaaah! “Why you kill my mama?! [Bleep] this throne!
Raaaah!” You know what he doing? ♪ How do I say goodbye?! ♪ -If Danny doesn’t get
the throne, nobody gets it. -No one gets it. “If my mama can’t have it,
can’t nobody can have it.” -Where is Jon?
-He is our prisoner. -So is Lord Tyrion. They were both to be brought
to this gathering. -But look how dope
Sansa looks, though. -Is this, like,
a parole hearing? -This is like — I guess. You know, these is all
the [bleep] that’s left. -Have you changed your ways?
-Have you… -What was that?
-I don’t know who that is. -No, the one on the left.
Is that the Robin Arryn? -Who is that Robin Arryn? -The guy who used to breast-feed
on his mom in the vail. -Oh! Oh! That’s so gross!
-But he looks good now. -[Bleep] of course. He got about 6 ounces of
[bleep] breast milk in him. -Yeah, look how
strong his bones look. -Oh, gross. -The decision about
what’s best for everyone should be left to… well, everyone. -He’s pitching democracy?
-Is he’s pitching democracy? No. -Talk about a place
that is rife for voter fraud. No one here has photo I.D.
I mean, how would it even work? -You talking about voter fraud.
Oh, my God. -“Yeah, I’m
Glyn of the Grasslands.” “All right.
I’ll take your word for it. All right.” -Aye. -Aye. -“I drank breast milk
till I was 14.” Bran!
-You’re a king now. -You’re a king now, Bran.
-Give us a little [bleep] Bran. -If this mother[bleep] smiles, I
swear to God I’ll pass out. -You got to put your face
on money now. -You got a cute little
blue cape on. You got to put
your face on money. I do not want no
Bran-face coins. -I’d like two bottles of wine.
Do you take Bran? -No!
We hate Bran-faced coins here. Oh! Now, this is funny.
[ Laughs ] She got to write about
Jaime Lannister. “This is the story about
a one-handed [bleep] boy who [bleep] left me out in the
snow in my housecoat. [Bleep] He took my virginity. Took my virginity and
just rode off with one hand.” -I’m interested,
if what you just said airs, how much of it was a beep and
if we heard any words. -Man, I don’t give a [bleep] -This is like someone
who went off to college, but ended up back
in his hometown. -Like, he got
kicked out and [bleep] -They’re like,
“How was Harvard?” -“I got caught selling meth to
some of the students.” And look —
that’s his dad like, “Yep. I knew you wasn’t
gonna make it.” -“Welcome back, Harvard. Guess you’re back with
the family business now.” -“Yeah, mother[bleep]
Let’s go make some steel.” -Well, there they go. -Yeah, people are
disappointed about the ending. -All right, well,
talk to me about that. Do you — What do you feel about
people who didn’t like it? -I think that they need to
grow the — take a big glass of grow
the [bleep] up, because “Game of Thrones”
is not real. -I’m going to miss us
sitting here and watching the show together. -Aww! -Leslie, thank you
for doing this with me. -Thank you, baby.
We’ll find something else. -Should we do “Chernobyl”? -What the [bleep]
is a “Chernobyl”? What’s that?
What’s “Chernobyl,” white folks?